There is perhaps no career/life advice given more often in recent years than to say no to things. To be sure, the Power of No is important. We are finite creatures with limited time. We simply cannot do it all, and no one will respect our time for us. (And to be fair, people also often advise new careerlings to say yes to everything in order to build a reputation and discover what you like).
But I also believe there is a pendulum component to people‘s attitude about work that is a perhaps overly profound sense of scarcity. That we win by doing the bare minimum. That we cannot give of ourselves without being taken advantage of. While I agree that the institution doesn’t love you back, I nonetheless think this is a depressing way to approach a massive fraction of your life.
There is a Japanese concept that Craig Mod refers to in his book Things Become Other Things called yoyu, which he describes as the extra space in your heart for other people. I think there is a missing sense of abundance in many people, a deep conviction that there is simply not enough of “you” to give of yourself. That our love and attention and focus and work are too limited a precious resource to be shared.
Time is a zero-sum game, and we all only have 24 hours a day to deploy, but at the same time, those hours are not equally effective or meaningful if we are willing to share ourselves generously. Adam Grant describes in Give and Take that “givers” are overrepresented at both the top and bottom of the corporate ladder. Giving in self-destructive ways to selfish, bad people is an easy path to resentment and burnout, but giving generously is also a way to increase the number of possible paths to fulfillment.
Appreciation is a fantastic currency.