Wack Bible Stories

At the request of Publishing Genius’ Adam Robinson, I wrote a guest post at HTMLGIANT about the fascinating story of Onan:

And Onan knew that the seed would not be his; and it came to pass when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest he should give seed to his brother.

Click the link above to read up on lifestyle and writing advice from the Old Testament.

Easter Rabbit, Microfiction, Contests, Comics, and Free Stuff

I’ve been winning some free stuff recently, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I really really like it.

I just won a copy of Joseph Young’s Easter Rabbit from Publishing Genius. Young has made a name for himself as the microfiction guy. His approach is similar to some of the writing I’ve done for Midnight Stories. The contest was to write a story in Young’s style, and I submitted a story from my Twitter feed (more or less) and won, so I suppose that confirms my thoughts on the matter. I’m excited: this is the first book-length collection of micros that I’ll have the pleasure of reading.

I also won a copies of Molly Gaudry’s We Take Me Apart from PANK and the horror anthology 52 Stitches from Robert Swartwood. On my birthday I won a comic caption contest over at HTMLGiant, and cartoonist Jeffrey Brown sent me a bunch of really cool artwork and stuff.

This is all to say that the internet provides. At this rate, maybe we’ll cancel our cable subscription. Eat it, Time Warner!

Free Story Idea

This is golden, I just don’t have time to write it:

Victorian-age retelling of Homer’s Odyssey using a cat as the protagonist, who is accidentally left to make the long journey home alone after falling out of his spinster’s carriage. Magical cat powers and epic animal battles optional (but encouraged).

You’re welcome.

Google Apps DIY Submission System

When it comes to getting information from people, we use email. If you need to organize a lot of it (as if, say, you ran a lit mag) and you have money or the right friends, you might get your hands on a submission system to compile and organize all that good information. Or you might be out of luck. Dale Wisely over at Right Hand Pointing mentioned this really interesting idea to me the other day: use a combination of Google Apps’ forms and spreadsheets to put it all together in one easy to use location. This idea may seem obvious to those who regularly use Google Apps or surveys to collect data, but I was shocked at how clean this functionality is.

You can see it in action at Nanoism’s December Serial Contest and year-round at the short-form poetry journal Four and Twenty (the form is here).

Some disclaimers: This idea accepts plain text only (no boldface or italics) and organizes everything into a spreadsheet. This is not the best way to read large blocks of text but it works for poetry, flash, or any kind of micro. Acceptances/rejections still require a manual email, so if you run something like elimae and you’re firing off responses in three hours flat, you’d probably waste more time copy-and-pasting email addresses than it’s worth. But say you run a quarterly mag or a one-time deal where you’re sitting on pieces for a while and it’s easy to lose track of them—this is a nice way to keep ‘em all in one place. Not just one folder, like with email filters, but literally one document. It’s also handy for doing your own Duotrope-style stats. Sure, you can do this all by hand in excel (or you could code your own system), but this definitely has its uses.

If nothing else, say you’re trying to collect addresses or contact info for writers to include in an anthology. You could send a big email (BCC’d, of course) and manually amass the responses. Or you could use Google Forms to collect the responses into a spreadsheet for you (which is what @nick did for Twitter Wit).

Procrastination

First the dogs ate our work,
but I did not speak up because I did not have a dog.

Then floppy disk failures ate our work,
but I did not speak up because I kept a spare.

Then social networks ate our work,
and I knew we were in serious trouble.